The Babble Top Moms, and me.

January 13th, 2012

I've noticed that I like it when my favorite bloggers post pictures of themselves on their blogs. It's something I'd gotten self-conscious about, ever since one of my very few trolls called me vain for posting a picture of myself. I've decided to get over it.


Over the first few days of the new year, I spent some long-overdue time updating my google reader. Having spent the past couple of years deep in the Land of Book, I wanted to get reacquainted with the old neighborhood. As a departure point, I used the Babble Top 100 Mom Blog List, in part because it conveniently already includes many of the bloggers I’ve long considered my friends and colleagues, but also because there were so many blogs on that list I’d never heard of.  I split them into a couple of folders, Vol 1 and Vol 2, and you are most welcome to subscribe to both. In fact, I recommend it. I’ve been following them daily for over a week now, and I think it’s a really well curated list. Not every blog on it is my cup of tea, but then, not every blog needs to be. I haven’t once had the thought, What in the hell is she doing on this list? It’s very clear that every woman on it is there because she’s worked hard to create and maintain an online space that’s meaningful to her readers.

Can I make a very silly confession? Whenever these lists come out, I have an irrational moment of feeling passed over. It’s so embarrassing to admit it — I’ve published a hardcover book to great reviews, I’m on the masthead of a major women’s magazine, and I’m sad because I didn’t make a blog list? It’s completely illogical, says my inner Spock. And yet, for the first few minutes after the announcements hit twitter, I’m back in junior high gym class, last one to be picked for the team.

I’m confessing it, because I want you to know that it’s human nature to feel left out and passed over when other people are being chosen. I’ve experienced the angst of rejection at every stage of creative achievement. And for the few minutes I sit in it, it feels as crappy now as it is did when I had no external validation at all. Worse than crappy, in fact, because it’s rejection tinged with shame. The shame of knowing I have no rational basis for feeling this way. That I am not only not good enough, but spiritually unenlightened to boot.

Good times.

Recognizing that feeling, accepting that I have it and then refusing to indulge it is key to creative growth and accomplishment in every way. I learned it through Julia Cameron and by doing a whole lot of inner work, but no one has ever stated it better or plainer than Sugar, in my opinion. I get past it like my life depends on it. Because it does.

There’s a saying in 12-step programs that describes self-isolating behaviors as a state of deciding to be apart from, not a part of. When good things are happening for other people, the choice is always mine: to remain on the sidelines, simmering in my crap stew, or to push myself forward, hand outstretched. Congratulations. Job well done.

I promise you, the lapse between saying it and feeling it shortens with practice. Lots of practice.

Taking my morning coffee with these 100 bloggers (minus most of the ones without full RSS feeds, I’m afraid–the clicking, it hurts preshus) has been so fun and inspiring. It’s revived my enthusiasm for this medium, and has me eagerly posting on my own blog again. It’s a community I’m so glad to be a part of, not apart from.

Congratulations ladies, job well done. 🙂

p.s. I’m working on another folder, called Beyond Babble, so I can keep up with my favorite moms and non-moms outside the list. Let me know which blogs you think are tops!

22 Responses to “The Babble Top Moms, and me.”

  1. Neil says:

    Welcome back. Still don’t like the use of lists in blogging, even if my friends are on it. My social studies teacher in seventh grade taught us to question authority in the media.

    • KyranP says:

      Your seventh grade teacher was wise! But there’s a difference between a question mark and an out-of-hand rejection. Liz, Kate, Bonnie, Heather, Catherine (and on and on)…there’s a reason these women make the cut. They have tremendous voices, and they work damn hard. They are also terrific at branding, whether they like it or not 🙂 But it’s good to keep one foot off the beaten path, and I rely on people like you, Neil, to let me know what’s out there on the fringes.

  2. You wrote, so beautifully, how we all feel about feeling “left out and passed by when other people are being chosen.” It’s inevitable, and it’s the nature of any form of public evaluation. To feel that moment of disappointment/rejection/maybe even envy or jealousy…and then to consciously choose generosity…huge.

  3. Ashley Smith says:

    I am surprised you weren’t listed. Your blog is one of my favorites and I eagerly look forward to each new post. Your writing is so lyrical and I can hear your voice in it.

    I didn’t update my blog for a long time and lost a number of readers, which is sad because this is a wonderful community to be a part of. Whether you lurk or fully participate, chances are you will find someone you can relate to and maybe even call friend.

    • KyranP says:

      Ashley, I think fallow time is okay. I lost many readers when I shifted online space, but I needed the change, and (I think in retrospect) time to regroup and figure out where blogging fit after the book.

  4. Lindsey says:

    Thanks for being so honest about this … you’ve been a must-read in my google reader for years now and I loved your book and let me just add my voice to the chorus of bravo! I know that’s not why you wrote this, but, still. It’s the truth. I have so many blogs that I read that weren’t on that list – would be hard to even list my top 5. But this is surely one of them. xox

  5. KyranP says:

    Hi Lindsey! I’m glad you’re still here. And honored to be in that number. 🙂

  6. Hi Kyran, I am so glad you are blogging again. I just love your style. I spent many mornings last fall reading both of your blogs after which I went and got your book. I loved it all.
    Have a great day.

  7. This is where I admit that when you left a comment on my blog the other day? You made my day. I love your writing.

    (Also, I was a little awestruck when we were all the the same table at Mom 2.0)

    You’ve been one of my favorites for a long, long time.

    • KyranP says:

      I was just singing your praises tonight to another boy-mom. I’m loving your daily tips, and each one seems to drive home the point that we are kindred souls. xo

  8. Kelly says:

    Kyran, for what it’s worth I’ve been a big fan for a long time, since the dark old days before the GH gig. I just posted a candid picture of myself on my blog a few days back, and talked about how I hope to post more in 2012, etc. (This smacks of self-promotion, but it’s what you’re talking about.). I got all excited when I got like, 60 pageviews this week. Then realized how pathetic that is, compared to The Big Ones. Oh well.

    And for what it’s worth I love seeing your pics. And that clock!

    • KyranP says:

      This is worth more to me than you know! I love that you’ve come all this way with me. And there is no page view that is pathetic. Because every reader counts. There’s no metric to measure the impact of you telling your story on the one person who needed most to read or hear it. Just keep telling it. xo

  9. Don Wilkes says:

    >I have an irrational moment of feeling passed over.

    Well, don’t we all, really?

    Just remember that all the folks that were here before you published your first book are likely still here. And they still see you in the same way, too. I don’t know about the others, but I don’t really care if you are very “successful” or not — I will keep on reading here. You are a person to me, not a ghost.


  10. I adore this post. I’ll be keeping it for all those ‘moments’ coming at me in the future. Thank you for it and love you!

  11. jerusalem says:

    Ok, why am I not on that list? hehe. Also, I only knew of/read about 10 blogs on that list and I subscribe to a crazy amount of blog. I am excited about checking out new ones. And I love self-portraits on blogs too, but had also grown self-conscious about it, wondering if it was too vain. Now I can kick that bad thought to the curb. Love!

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  13. Mariellen says:

    Reminds me too of your abundance mentality for (other people’s) fame post. Both this and it, so true.

    Personally, you and the Elizabeth Harper were the ones who got me started on blogging. I’m not very consistent in posting, but I’m so glad I do, and that you are one of those I’ve met in cyberland and shared some of life with.

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