Rage against the dying of the light

April 24th, 2012


kyran at 42

When my ship sailed away from my thirties, I raised my champagne glass, and waved cheerfully from the bridge. What else is there to do? Mine is a one-way ticket, like everyone’s. Might as well enjoy the voyage.

And most days, I do. Most days, I regard it as an adventure.

But today, out of nowhere, I felt angry about  it. After a weekend of talking about self-acceptance, and seeking out the lioness within, and sitting in sheer adoration at the feet of some of my elders, part of me revolted. To hell with it, she said. To hell with lines in your forehead. To hell with the daily war on metabolism. To hell with spots on your hands. To hell with becoming invisible. To hell with time running out, and loss upon loss, and the leaving of everything behind.

To hell with it all.

I know reaching midlife beats the alternative. I do.

But it’s not always smooth sailing.





10 Responses to “Rage against the dying of the light”

  1. Susan says:

    I just wrote 90 pages on it for my thesis. You are not alone.

  2. Diane says:

    so true…thanks for expressing this for all of us!

  3. Cid says:

    I also recently wrote a post on my own mini mid-life crisis (it started over a pair of shoes), a birthday brought it on but being with good friends (and spending yesterday with my boys) helped me come out the other side.

  4. Bev says:

    At 62 I consciously remind myself everyday that I’ll never be this young again so I need to get my a** in gear and just keep on keepin’ on, enjoying all the many ordinary gifts in my life. Not easy to do some days…like you said so beautifully here.

  5. Alexandra says:

    Oh my gosh and I think you are so.beautiful.

    Just so beautiful.

  6. Amy says:

    I’ve discovered that it is much easier to have a positive attitude about aging (as in mid-life and beyond) when someone else is doing the aging. Since it all started to happen to me – well, it hasn’t been that much fun.

  7. Jon says:

    The old people in me think the young people are silly. The young people in me think the old people are lame. The middle ages are tranquil, lusting for imbalance.

  8. Kelly says:

    You know what pisses me off? I’ve worn glasses or contacts since I was twelve years old, am blind as a bat without them, and STILL…I now find myself needing “readers,” and doing that old-person thing of holding menus far away. Seriously? I am not even amused.

  9. Scott says:

    Lovely writing. I wish I had that talent. Words come so hard to me. I suspect I shall be back to learn by example….

    (I totally agree with where you are coming from in this post.)

  10. Lovely honest writing. And I think you’re beautiful regardless of how old you are.

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