I carry your heart with me

October 3rd, 2014

I’m going on a cub scout campout this weekend, and there’s a million things to do before we can leave, so naturally I’ve been sitting at my desk in my nightgown all morning, going through old photos. 

kyranandboysnov2007

Originally, I was going to pull a retrospective sample of snapshots from my improbable career as cub scout den mom. Since the Littlest Who crosses over to Boy Scouts in the new year, this is my last cub scout campout. I was looking for photos like this:

denmom2006

 

But then I got sidetracked by these:

playingnov2007

They were taken in November 2007–only seven years ago, but an epoch in child years. The 15-year-old came with me a few weeks ago to pick up a mis-delivered parcel at our former address. He kept exclaiming how small everything was–the yard, the hedge where he and his brothers had a fort, the Japanese maple tree that was their ladder to the sky. He walked around like Gulliver in Lilliput.

2014-09-10 16.50.57

I thought I would feel more wistful about them growing up, leaving behind those little guys. But I love the big people they are growing up to be, too much to want to roll time back. And when I look at them, I see all their ages and stages, nested like matryoshka dolls. 

I look up at this man,

october2007

and I can still see this boy:

tree on north spruce

Nothing is left behind. I carry all the years with me.

 

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
 
 

6 Responses to “I carry your heart with me”

  1. marilee pittman says:

    I’m not sure my heart can hold all of this beauty.

  2. Stop making me cry! I miss mother-daughter camp!

    Another lovely post. It’s shocking how quickly your boys are becoming men. My daughter just turned 27 and I still find myself looking around at times for the little girl who used to be such a snuggle-bug.

  3. Ironically, or fittingly, as I’m reading this post, I’m listening to Bob Dylan sing “Forever Young” on Pandora. And not crying at all. Not even a little bit.

  4. Nicole Sisk says:

    Hey, lady – beautiful as ever. Have you heard Michael Hedges’ version of “I carry your heart?” If not, worth a listen. It’s how I always “hear” the poem – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PqSZzmUMHM

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