“The field of time is the field of sorrow… How do you live with that? You realize the eternal within yourself.”

“Joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world and everything changes.”

Joseph Campbell

When I am overwhelmed by this world’s troubles, I remember an Indian fable I learned from the great mythologist Joseph Campbell about a tiger who thought he was a goat. The tiger tried to live with goats, but eventually realized he was a tiger. Campbell used it to illustrate one of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism: being alive involves suffering. Pain is not an optional shore excursion on this cruise.

I know it doesn’t sound like good news–especially not for the goats–but accepting this truth helps me get out of bed each morning. It gives me permission to cherish joy in a world where sorrow is inevitable. It keeps me from feeling hopeless about so much that is messed up and broken. If Buddha and Joseph Campbell had been moms, they might have said suffering is like laundry–you’re never going to get to the bottom of it, so do what you can to make a difference, and enjoy life.

There’s a famous story about Heifer International founder Dan West refusing to eat cake as long as anyone in the world went without bread. I’d heard it before, but I got to hear a first-hand account of it at Heifer’s Feast in the Field on Saturday night. It’s a compelling anecdote about an extraordinary man, but I’m sure Joseph Campbell would have encouraged Dan eat his cake and work with communities to end hunger and poverty and care for the Earth. At least, that’s what I told myself as I tucked into shortcake covered with fresh Arkansas strawberries and whipped cream, while learning more about Heifer’s work around the world and surprisingly close to home.

Patrick and I attended the event as invited guests, and though there was no suggestion or request for coverage on my blog or anywhere, I am not above boasting about whose elbows I rubbed at this very fancy affair.

Okay, not elbows. But there was rubbing. And nuzzling. And nibbling. And maybe some paper-napkin munching.

Fortunately, my date did not mind my flirting with Buzz the goat. He knew who was taking me home. Because, hello, handsome.

And because goats can’t drive.

Buzz wasn’t the only celebrity entertainment. Cody Belew, one of my favorite contestants from Season Three of The Voice, was there to perform his new single “Say Love,” which he wrote to raise funds and awareness for Heifer projects. Downloads of the iTunes track support Heifer’s mission to end global hunger and poverty. I had every intention of getting a photograph with Cody, but that was before Buzz and I looked into each other’s eyes.

I’m sorry, Cody, you are super cute, and so talented, but you don’t have horizontal pupils.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC5Suq_luos

Thanks to all my new friends at Heifer, human and otherwise, for an evening of joy in the field.

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It seemed obvious to me  to begin a first visit to Walt Disney World at the Magic Kingdom. Isn’t it what most of us picture when we think of Disney World? The iconic Cinderella castle, the Victorian storefronts of Main Street, princesses and pirates?

What some first-timers may not know (I didn’t, until I began planning our visit), is that there are four distinct parks within Walt Disney World, not counting the two water parks. Because we were allocating time and money between the Disney and Universal theme parks, we didn’t get to Epcot or Hollywood Studios this time, choosing to focus on Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom instead (and a full day at each, rather than attempting to park-hop). I doubt you could make a wrong choice among the four, but I think Magic Kingdom was the perfect place for us to start.

According to the Undercover Tourist crowd calendar, it was a good day to be at Magic Kingdom. After tucking everyone in for an early bedtime the night before, I called the WDW information line (1-407-824-4321) for park opening hours and parade/event times and went over our strategy. TIP: These times are adjusted by Disney to handle anticipated traffic, so do confirm park hours and event start times within the week of your visit. 

I jotted down the times, and made a short list of priorities–rides and events that were must-sees, based on recommendations from guides and friends. Then I made sure the alarm was set to get us there at least a half hour before park opening time. This was one of the best moves of the entire trip. TIP: Plan to arrive early at the parks (or late in the day), and don’t miss the opening ceremony at Magic Kingdom. 

Clockwise from top left: riding the monorail; the train with Mickey and Co. arrives at City Hall;  waving to Mickey; moving down Main Street at opening time.

Disney is unique from Universal (and I suspect every other theme park in the world) in that it is a layered, theatrical experience. As with theatre, it invites you to suspend your disbelief and enter the story. As the sun rose up over the gates of the Magic Kingdom, and the character train pulled into the station, the five-year-girl in me wriggled free of the last of my grown-up constraints, and started jumping up and down with her hands in the air, waving to Mickey Mouse, tears running down my cheeks. I can’t even describe it, except to say God bless Walt Disney, and please let me make lots of money so I can spend it on that feeling again.

Once the gates were open, I reminded everyone of the plan: make a beeline for the Space Mountain Fast Pass kiosk at the back of the park, assuring them we would slow down and look at everything we’d passed after we had the passes in hand. TIP: go to the most popular ride first and print your free Fast Pass, which gives you a window of time in which to return for the express line. 

A Fast Pass kiosk.

How to Use Disney’s Fast Pass System

1. A Fast Pass is a ticket that reserves you access to the express line (called the Fast Pass lane) during a scheduled window of time.
2. Fast Passes are free with park admission. Each park visitor can be issued one active Fast Pass at a time.
3. Fast Pass self-serve kiosks are located near the front of the line for popular attractions. There is no queue for them.
4. Above the kiosks, there is a digital display showing what time current Fast Passes will tell you to return. Be sure to first check the display for the current wait time in the regular line. If the wait was less than 20 minutes, we usually just got in line.
5. Swipe your plastic park pass card, and take your Fast Pass. Come back during the time printed on the Fast Pass, and show it in the Fast Pass lane.
6. I’ve heard there’s an unwritten rule that Fast Passes are accepted after the scheduled time has expired (not before), but we didn’t test this.

When we got to Space Mountain, the posted wait time was minimal–about 10 minutes–so we decided we’d just get in the regular line. Now, I had never in my life been on a roller coaster of any kind, and I was looking forward to checking it off my life list, but I had no intention of starting with Space Mountain, except that my 70-year-old mother, in an adrenaline rush, said “Let’s go!” TIP: Don’t let your mother talk you into stuff.

Friends, by the end of the week, I was riding way more extreme coasters, with arms up in the air and eyes wide open like a pro, but you will never get me or my mother on that ride ever again. I opened my eyes once, saw a flashing red light, and shut them again. It was the longest two minutes and thirty five seconds of my life. I still have PTSD. I don’t know if it was designed to mimic an extremely traumatic journey through the birth canal, but it was sheer primal terror. 

The kids loved it.

Here’s one of the reasons the Magic Kingdom was a great place to start a visit to Disney and Universal with older kids: the rides at Magic Kingdom are mostly quite tame compared to the other parks. Some of them are delightfully vintage. Had we started at one of the more thrill-filled parks, the rides at Magic Kingdom might have seemed a little anti-climatic to my big boys. As it was, Space Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad were great warm up acts.

Entering Space Mountain (top left), then onto Big Thunder Mountain Railroad

My nine-year-old was the ideal age for the Magic Kingdom rides and shows. Though princesses are not his thing, he loved Captain Jack Sparrow’s Pirate Tutorial (and all the moms loved Captain Jack Sparrow). TIP: Catch at least one of the live shows. They are one reason Walt Disney World is in a league by itself.

Are you exhausted yet? Because by early afternoon, we were. Then, as if by magic (or human engineering genius), it was parade time. Just as the Littlest Who was starting to whine, the Move It! Shake It! Celebrate It! Street Party came moving and shaking down Main Street and revived his spirits. It also diverted enough traffic away from the  rides for Patrick and the big boys to seek more thrills. Disney has this people thing figured out to a freaky degree. TIP: Ride lines can be shorter during parade times.

After the parade, we got ice cream cones, and executed our midday exit strategy. We had all agreed in advance that we would return to the resort by mid-afternoon to rest up and recharge for the evening parade and fireworks. Next to arriving early, this might be the single most useful piece of advice I can pass along. TIP: Plan to leave the park in the afternoon to rest and return in the evening. Go for a swim. Take a nap. Have dinner. Chill out for at least two hours. Then go back and watch all the foolish other people melting down, with a delicious sense of schadenfreude.

We returned to the park just in time to watch the sun set from the ferry.

I don’t know how to describe the Nighttime Spectacular, except imagine if fireworks were a wrap around experience. Pictures don’t capture it.  I watched it twice, mouth agape. By the time the 11 pm Electrical Parade rolled around, our coach was fast turning back into a pumpkin. We walked our happy, weary way back down Main Street, feeling like a hundred years had passed in one enchanted day.

Up next: Universal Studios Islands of Adventure, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. 

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My metronome for blogging has always been the conversations I have on the front porch with my dearest friends–swinging rhythmically back and forth between our inner and outer lives. One minute we’re splashing around in the shallows, exchanging recipes, telling funny stories about our kids, inquiring about a shade of lipstick. The next we’re diving on the same breath into the depths of relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity.

It’s occurred to me that my end of the conversation here has lately tipped more toward the details of outer life. So I’m taking a brief interlude from the family vacation slideshow to go deep, and catch you up with what’s been going on with me beneath the surface of life.

Writing. Last year this time, the idea for my first novel had finally came into focus, and I was sure I would have first chapters in my agent’s hands by midsummer. Then I choked. My inner dialogue for most of the past twelve months has been an endless loop of the birth scene in Gone With the Wind. Part of me has been hysterically screaming that I don’t know NOTHING about writing novels, while the other is beating her up mercilessly.

This delightful internal atmosphere has been amplified by external pressures, both real and perceived, that have to do with my own and others expectations, as well as financial realities. Without a contract in hand, it’s been difficult to prioritize my writing. It’s surprising–after the publication of Dandelions, I thought I would never struggle with issues around creative legitimacy or authority ever again. I’ve made a sideline of writing and speaking about overcoming those very insecurities. But here I’ve been grappling with them like a beginner. Which, when it comes to fiction, I absolutely am.

Accepting my beginners status has been key to getting back on track. I have a great story to tell, but I really don’t know nothing about writing novels. So I’ve become a student of them, reading all the classics I should have in college, as well as contemporary commercial and literary fiction, absorbing as much as I can about bringing imaginary people to life.

I’ll have chapters to show for it soon, but it’s been a consuming crisis of confidence.

Motherhood.

Even more consuming than Book Writing 2.0, is Parenting 2.0: the teen years. My firstborn is in the thick of adolescence, and so far, it is mostly wonderful. But it is game on for us as parents again, after coasting through the middle years on cruise control. Having a child turn into a teenager is a lot like having an infant turn into a toddler.  Suddenly, they are busy. Holy crap, you think, as you notice fingers going for a socket. We should have baby proofed months ago.

It’s intense, and demanding, but so rewarding to see him in this burst of new growth. There’s a lot I want to share about it, but I’m still figuring out how to do that without turning my kid into the poster boy for mom’s parenting PSA. Transitioning to chronicling life with teens is something a lot of my blogging peers seem to be grappling with right now, and I’m glad. We should be grappling if we’re conscientious.

I recently wrote a list of things I want him to know about sex, the gist being, “Sex is Awesome and You Should Wait.” (Patrick was concerned I might be overselling the awesome part a bit. I suggested he write a complementary list entitled “Sex is Terrifying and You Could Die,” and then we’d be sure to have it all covered. ) Of course, it occurred to me I could publish the list as a resource for other parents struggling to articulate the same issues. Then I realized it was probably mortifying enough to hear a list like that read aloud by your Mom, without her posting it on her blog.

Maybe he’ll give me permission to rework it into something he’d be comfortable with me sharing in public. Or maybe it just needs to stay between us. We’ll see.

Marriage. As I quoted a wise friend in my book, “Staying married means re-negotiating everything, forever.” I don’t normally discuss relationship issues that are still in process, but I feel so solid in my commitment to our marriage, it feels okay to divulge that we have opened a new round of negotiations, mostly to do with balance. When our kids were small, our responsibilities fell along very traditional lines, and they have not caught up to all of the changes in our household as we’ve moved into the middle years. The division of domestic and professional labor is fraught enough without both parties having such nebulous hours and irregular wages as ours, so I’m really proud that we’ve been mostly able to open this can of worms without it getting too wriggly.

“We’re like black belt married people,” I proclaimed to a friend the other day, after we’d been able to have a remarkably calm conversation about some potentially hot issues. HI-YAH.

And though it still feels a long way off, we’re also starting to peer around the corner of our child-rearing years, and compare what we see for ourselves there. I think we may have some very different attitudes and ideas about aging. It’s probably not time to open that can yet, but it’s moved from the cellar to the pantry shelf. By the time we get to that one, we’ll be ninja marrieds.

So that’s what’s really been going on with me. Now, what’s really been going on with you?

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As I mentioned in the introduction to this series, a visit to Disney World and Universal Studios theme parks is more of an expedition than a vacation. It entails a great deal of planning beyond the usual considerations of how to reach your destination, where to sleep, and what to eat. The parks–particularly Disney’s–are marvels of human engineering, but they are not something to dive into without advance research and a strategy in hand. If you happen to enjoy that kind of thing, like I do, planning a visit to Disney and Universal is half the fun. If not, I hope our experience can make the planning phase more navigable.

Advice on planning a visit to Disney and Universal is an industry unto itself. Here are the resources that I found most useful:

1. Friends: I know people who have been going to Disney World all their lives, and I bet you do, too. I met up with one over coffee one day, and took notes the entire time. Natalie was a wellspring of information and enthusiasm. Some of the best advice I got came from our interview, including a succinct explanation of the Disney free advance reservation system for rides, called FASTPASS, a fantastic restaurant recommendation (Yak & Yeti, in Animal Kingdom), and an emphatic warning to arrive early at the parks and head with laser beam focus to the popular attractions first. I also polled other friends who had been there, done that, and asked what they had most enjoyed.
2. The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World by Bob Sehlinger and Len Testa: if you only read one guide book before you go, this is the one (it covers all the Orlando parks). Well-organized and incredibly thorough, it doesn’t just break down the attractions, it offers strategies for everything from mapping out your day to handling the inevitable child (or adult) meltdown.
3. Brit Guide to Orlando by Simon and Susan Veness: I enjoyed this guide book for it’s unique, outsider perspective on what is arguably the quintessential slice of Americana. It was fun to read descriptions of familiar chain restaurants like Denny’s, as translated for a British audience, and I was tickled to death by warnings about the American insistence on filling beverage cups with ice.
4. Crowd Calendar by Undercover Tourist: We went to Orlando during spring break, at peak crowd season. But we hardly knew it, thanks to consulting this calendar and knowing which days to hit which parks.
5. Mobile Apps for Universal Studios and Walt Disney World by Undercover Tourist: Once inside the parks, these apps were indispensable for everything from gauging wait times to finding food or bathrooms nearby.
6. All Ears Disney restaurant menus: all the Disney property menus, with prices, so you can make decisions in advance about what to eat and how much to spend, before everyone gets tired and hungry.

Leaving Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport.

Arriving at Orlando, ready to find Nana.

Above all, don’t forget to pack a skateboard and back-scratcher.

A little night swimming before the big day. We loved our rental at the Terra Verde resort.

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When I was a little girl, it seemed like everybody got to go to Walt Disney World except me. Technically, “everybody” was my best friend, and a few lucky classmates a year, but it felt global. As a parent, it has sometimes felt the same way, especially at spring break, when it seems like all the other families have been invited to the world’s most splendid ball, while we stay home, sweeping out the cinders, and singing to our talking mice.

I know, I know. Missing out on a theme park vacation hardly qualifies as hardship, then or now. I had lots of great vacations as a child, and we’ve taken plenty with our own boys, near and far. But there was a sense of urgency to the Disney World dream– fear that the window of time for us was closing, had perhaps already closed for our older kids.

I could not have been more wrong about that. This year, my mother brought us to Walt Disney World and Universal Studios as part of her 70th birthday celebration. It was the first visit for me, age 43, my husband, 49, and our boys, ages 14, 12, and a few weeks shy of nine. Visiting Disney and Universal with older kids was an incredible experience. Magic, it turns out, is timeless.

Not only was it not too late for us, but I think we were right on time. Watching parents push strollers, wrangle busy toddlers, and manage overwrought pre-schoolers, I had trouble imagining the parks being nearly as much fun for us or our kids when they were small. There were a few instances in which I felt bad for the wee ones, and wondered who their vacation was really for. In fact, an Orlando theme park “vacation” is an oxymoron. “Expedition” would be more accurate. It’s an intense experience–emotionally exhilarating, logistically challenging, and physically exhausting. And one of the most fun family adventures we have ever had.

All this week, I’m going to share our memories, and my recommendations for visiting Disney and Universal with older kids, or as a first time visitor at any age. Since some of my blogging friends and colleagues have just come back from Disney’s Social Media Moms Celebration, I’ll clarify that this series is not in connection with that event (though I would love to attend some year–Mickey, Minnie, call me). Our first-timers’ itinerary took in two Disney parks–Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom; a day at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure, with a separate evening dedicated to World of Wizarding; and a side trip to the beach.

I hope you’ll enjoy, and chime in with your own insights and questions.

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I’ve been on the receiving end of Mother’s Day for fourteen years now (fifteen if you count getting pregnant on Mother’s Day 1998, which instantly puts the phrase “receiving end” into That’s What She Said territory–sorry about that). Fourteen years of garden bouquets, embellished handprints, penciled love letters, coffee brewed by other people, and breakfast calories that don’t get counted.

Mother’s Day with little kids was pure sweetness, but Mother’s Day in the middle years is wonderful. I think they’ve got this thing down.

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1. An hour spent in person is worth a month of contact by phone or online. At least. Face-to-face time is a booster shot that no important relationship–personal or professional–should go too long without.
2. A long, barefoot walk along a Southern California beach belongs on everyone’s life list.
3. There is a built-in option for the iPhone camera called HDR, and it’s great for heightening details in photographs of the horizon, among other things. (Thanks, Jon Armstrong, for the 5 minute deck-top lounge tutorial!)
4. Don’t let somebody’s blind spot block your vision. (“If you think you’re undervalued, bet on yourself.”  – Mom 2.0 Summit 7-Minute Expert Meg Keene.)
5. The gift of encouragement is priceless.
6. Be confident. Occupy the space in which you want to grow.
7. If you wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of friends laughing, GET UP AND JOIN THEM, YOU DUMMY. You can sleep some other time.
8. The secret to living out of a single carry-on for the weekend is neutral separates and a few beautiful scarves.  It also helps if you can borrow your roommate’s lip gloss and facial cleanser.
9. Leave room for revision in your assessment of those you meet, even when a first impression is negative. Not every acquaintance turns into friendship, but most people have something positive to offer.
10. Say yes to complimentary aquamarine blue nail polish. No to complimentary aquamarine blue cocktails. I did, and I believe I chose wisely.

My travel to Mom 2.0 Summit at the Laguna-Niguel Ritz-Carlton was sponsored in part by The Red Sari, whose exquisite artisan scarves (from reclaimed vintage sari fabric) I happily wore. From now until midnight Mother’s Day, you can use coupon code at checkout: MOM25 to get 25% off Red Sari handbags, scarves, jewelry, and other items from global artisans around the world.

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This morning I walked down to meet the Pacific Ocean, accompanied by four women from my creative tribe: Asha, Barbara, Meagan and Jessica. The intention was to dip my toes in–a symbolic baptism, a polite how-dee-do, a tidy check mark on the life list. Except I don’t do things that way. In my excitement I ran out into the surf, and the Pacific Ocean grabbed me by the knees and pulled me all the way in. Full immersion.

It was a much-needed reminder that life has always rushed out to meet me whenever I step–even timidly–in the direction of my dreams. Sweeps me right off my feet.

I’m in Southern California to talk about the power of family stories, at the kind invitation of  Mom 2.0 Summit, with wardrobe help from The Red Sari, who is sponsoring me for some of my travel costs. I hope you’ll enjoy a few days of virtual postcards from this beautiful place.

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May Day! Mother’s Day is only 12 days away, and Appliances Online would like to give a Planting Dandelions reader a $100 Amazon gift card to give to your Mom, a Mom you love, or just splurge on yourself.

I don’t like to make anyone work for a gift, so we’ll keep this simple as usual: to be eligible for a random drawing, just leave a comment, and we’ll let random.org pick a winner Sunday, May 5, at noon. But I would love for you to volunteer something you cherish about your mom.

Here are some of the Mother’s Day testimonials I hope will remain on my permanent record:

“I love you Mom, and when you are not there, I miss you, Mom. I love you.”

 ”Dear Mom, we all love you because you help with everything.”

“Dear Mom, you are the best Mom I could probably ever have.” Probably.

And this. “The important thing about my Mom is that she loves me.”

What’s the important thing about your Mom?

Disclosure: Appliances Online is an online retailer based in the United Kingdom. They offered to sponsor this reader giveaway in exchange for a link to their website. Sadly, they did not offer to send me an AGA cooker for Mother’s Day, or dispatch Jamie Oliver to fix me breakfast in bed, but they seem charming nonetheless. Good luck!

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At some point in the eleventh-hour preparations for the hobbit birthday party, I had the obligatory moment of reckoning. Why am I doing this, I thought. I have a workshop to prepare, chapters to write, bills to pay, a life to live. Why have I spent three nights stringing bunting?

But I knew why. My “baby” was turning nine. The years of Pin the Tail and pinatas are almost behind us. My career as social director of this cruise will come to end in fewer years than I have been a mother. Years that have passed in a moment.

When my firstborn was still an infant, his godmother told me that parenting makes impossible demands, but for such a brief burst of time that it becomes possible, like an adrenaline-charged surge of strength under pressure. I know now how wise and true those words were.

Our children’s childhood is an occasion to rise to.

Thanks for helping me rise to this occasion by keeping me company in the hobbit birthday party preparations this week. If you are just arriving, the other posts are listed below. Feel free to Pin, share and borrow.

• Hobbit Birthday Party Invitations
• Hobbit Birthday Party Pinata
• Hobbit Birthday Party Bunting
• Hobbit Birthday Party Games
• Hobbit Birthday Party Cake

Here are some highlights of a wonderful day:

Doughnuts for first breakfast.

Our special guest, “George,” the troll pinata.

The Lonely Mountain

Weapons checked at the door.

Gathering activity: dragon hand tattoos.

Riddle Contest, with big brother acting as MC.

Pin the Tail on the Dragon.

Dwarves and Goblins Tag was everybody’s favorite.

Second breakfast.

Presents!

So long, George. It’s been good to know you.

Somewhere in Tolkien’s annotations to the Hobbit, it explains the ice cream truck.

Third breakfast.

Magic Eagles to take everyone home.

Our cozy hobbit hole seemed so quiet after the dwarves left. Blissfully so.

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